you traded sex for a burrito?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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