please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
