I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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