I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
