So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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