i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
