I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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