I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
