period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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