The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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