He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have aggressive nipples.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
