She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize