my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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