She announced her abortion via fbk
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
