Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
