he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
