please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
