I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize