My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
