hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
