you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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