No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
