I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
