Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
