I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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