Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
