so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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