He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He better not be in your backpack
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
