maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
