she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
