If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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