Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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