listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
