And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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