Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
