She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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