I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
