Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm getting married
To pizza
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
