Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
