she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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