Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
