so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
