Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize