We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
