That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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