Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
