a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
