Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
