your parents love me but you hate me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
