It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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