I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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