Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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