After last night, I could never be a politician.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
