you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
