Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
