I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Come back. Shots need mouths.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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