i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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