dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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