The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
