I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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