i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Barsexuality is the new black.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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