u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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