she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
