If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
