I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
