I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
