what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
