i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
smell my finger.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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