Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
