I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
