That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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