wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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