I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
