What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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