I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Found the puke drawer
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
