You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
