I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The best revenge is premature balding
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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