He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
