White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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