I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
