i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
