What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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