I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
