if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
