it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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