hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
