They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
