I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
