I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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