dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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