why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
