I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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