Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I smell like Dick and happiness
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