I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
