Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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