I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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