It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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