My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
