That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
