He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
