they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
