I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
