Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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