Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize