yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
