i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
