I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize