I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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