Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The uberlube is also flammable
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
