she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
