Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
